I was diagnosed with ptsd maybe 5 years ago now, and despite what the news may say, ptsd sufferers aren’t tin foil hat crazy.
I have civilian ptsd, or non military ptsd, I have had and have a rough life that obviously affected me long term, I’m not going to get real personal, but I Will delve deeper.
Among other terrible things I’m not comfortable saying, I was picked on in school starting at age 8, I wore glasses too when.. they weren’t cool mind you, so that was only fuel.
But every day in class, I would get thumped on the ear from 2 boys that enjoyed torturing me, that lead to being beaten up in the bathroom every day, I won’t release their names.. Randall and Brandon.
They failed 4th so when I got there they were older, and got away with more. That carried on into 5th grade. At this point, sweew.. we have different classes, don’t have to deal with them anymore.
So I made new friends, friends that eventually started doing the same thing.. and at one moment in time, took turns spitting on my face.. literally.
We made it into 6th grade finally, and I was actually kinda cool, so no-one messed with me, nice change of pace. Little did I know, it had only just begun.
We made it to 7th, now around here.. 7th through 12th is highschool, everyone is thrown in together in some classes, and alot of 12th graders with 7th in P.E., which is where my nightmare returns.
You had to dress out in P.E. meaning you just had to go put some shorts on or something, but.. in the locker room, we weren’t supervised..great.
So my deodorant, cologne or anything relevant, was taken by threat to me, so I just gave it to avoid being beaten, again.. not mentioning names, Cedric, and Chris.
So what happened is, I had to pay a fee each day to ensure I wasn’t battered and bruised. I failed that year of 7th, because it was so bad.. and started homeschooling.
In homeschool I made A’s and B’s.. coincidence? The only dilemma obviously is having friends, pretty tough.
So my parents started church, so I could meet new friends, which was exciting to meet kids my age, that were good, and respectful, little did I know people can be two faced.
I started going on mission trips at age 13, same age as when I started church. It was so fun getting to help people that were less fortunate.
On these trips, about 17 I went on, ages varies between 13-80 really no age limit. So obviously I stayed around my age of people. So happy to have good friends.
These friends started making fat jokes, talking about my mom, hitting my private parts for fun, you know.. funny stuff.
This lasted for another 4 years. At which point I became anorexic, I lost around 150 pounds, I’m 6’6″ btw, I weighed 160, which is bones, by not eating.
How can I cope with all of this? Luckily I had alcohol to be there for me. Fighting people, and I also “played” girls, because it felt good not being the one getting the bad end of the stick for a change.
I did this til I was about 23. When life hit me, ptsd took the wheel. I couldn’t work. I couldn’t drive, eat, talk to people, be around people, couldn’t be alone for any period of time, I literally stayed inside without even opening the door for 2 years. I had an anxiety attack every time I heard a phone ring, siren, helicopter, plane,.. I live by an airport luckily as well.
I had no life anymore. Of course I was suicidal, who wouldn’t be. So I cut, which felt amazing. And I slowly got more.. “normal” around age 27.
I pleaded with God, please.. help me. I started reading the Bible everyday, sometimes multiple times a day. Praying every day. And I was able to get out, drive, be around people, with the occasional anxiety attack.
And now I’m in the threshold of age 29, I drive, I cook, I hang out with friends, I go places, with.. no anxiety, and I didn’t seek help from anyone except God, and my own willpower.
Now, I’m on track for a life I believe I deserve. I can’t prove that everything the Bible says is real, I can’t prove Jesus existed, but I can prove God is real, how? You’re reading this.