Preacher Joke

At a recent pastor’s retreat, each minister in attendance was asked the following question: “How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb?” The answers were as follows..

  • A Presbyterian Pastor responded, “None, If God wants the bulb screwed in, he is sovereign, and will do it himself without human effort.”
  • A Charismatic Pastor replied, “None, The bulb doesn’t need to be changed. We should pray that it be healed.”
  • A Pentecostal Pastor said, “None, We simply need to cast out from the bulb, the demon of darkness.”
  • The Fundamentalist Pastor stated, “None, We shouldn’t even enter the room, because we need to keep ourselves separate from all darkness.”
  • The Baptist Preacher responded, “None, If we allow physical contact between a person and the bulb, it might lead to dancing.”
  • The Wesleyan Minister replied, “None, If we just show the bulb it’s need, it already possesses the power to change itself.”
  • A NonDenominational Pastor said, “None, We don’t want to make the bulb feel unwanted or uncomfortable.”

Political Joke 

Hillary Clinton goes to a school to talk to kids about the world, after she is done, she prompts for questions, and says ..

“OK, what’s your name?”

“My name is Kenneth”

Hillary replied “ok Kenneth what’s your question?”

Kenneth: “I have 3 questions, 1. We’re you really broke when you left the white house?, 2. What did you accomplish as Secretary of State?, 3. What really happened at benghazi?”

Just then the bell rings for recess, and the kids run out of the room. Afterwards Hillary comes back in class and says “OK, where were we? Oh right, question time! who else has a question?”

A different little boy puts his hand up, Hillary replies “What’s your name?”

Hey says, “Larry”

She says, “What’s your question Larry?”

Hey replied, “I have 2 questions, 1. why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early? and 2. what happened to Kenneth?.”

Political Joke 

A man died  and went to heaven, as he stood with St. Peter at the pearly gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him, the man asked “what are all those clocks for?”, Peter answered “those are Lie Clocks, every one on earth has a Lie Clock, every time you lie the hands on the clock will move” the man replied “well who‘s clock is that?” Peter replied “thats the popes clock, indicating he never told a lie“, the man replied “what about that one?”, Peter replied “thats George Washingtons clock, the hands moved only twice, indicating he only told 2 lies” the man replied “well, where are Obama and Hillary Clintons clocks?” Peter replied “they are in Jesuss office, hes using them as ceiling fans.”

Political Joke 

A Doctor, Obama, a Priest, and a boyscout are on a plane, and it’s crashing, but there are only 3 parachutes left, the Doctor grabs one and says “I’m a Doctor, I’ve saved lives, so I deserve to live” and jumps, Obama grabs a parachute and says “I’m the president, and the smartest man in the world, so I deserve to live” and jumps out, the Priest looks at the boyscout & says “Son, I’ve lived a long life, and You have your whole life ahead of you, so you take the parachute”, the boyscout hands the parachute back to the Priest and says “No worries father, the smartest man in the world just took off with my backpack.”